Despite nearly a lifetime of believing that asking for help is a sign of weakness, I asked for help. This is a story of how asking for help elevated me as a person and athlete.
Growing up, I believed that asking for help meant I was labelled as stupid or lazy. These labels weren’t something I just conjured up, rather others literally told me that by asking for help I was stupid and lazy and that I needed to figure out things on my own.
These labels developed an overwhelming feeling of inadequacy deep within the marrow of my bones. So I stopped asking for help.
In this case, I dream of becoming the best surfer in the world for someone like me, meaning the best surfer in the world with Cerebral Palsy. I’ve trained for years but some areas were not improving as fast as needed, meaning I needed some outside help.
Rewind…
In my last blog post, my best friend pushed me to improve myself with one question after a big setback. The question is “What are you not doing to improve yourself?” This question applied to my athletic goals. I went searching for ways to improve as an athlete. My answer was: improve my water maneuverability in a dramatic way.
This improvement leads to developing my abilities to catch and ride more waves. But, I needed nearly immediate improvement, because my window to prepare for the 2024 ISA World Para Surfing championships was only five months away.
I researched until my mind exploded and I eventually zoned in on Deep End Fitness, a certified deep water training program full of novice to elite water athletes pushing the envelope in deep water training. I signed up immediately.
I was super nervous before my first class because first I dislike asking for help as noted above and second, I have congenital cerebral palsy (CP). Navigating water with my version of CP is tough because cerebral palsy betrays my body’s ability to move efficiently each day.
Prior to class, I wondered if the Deep End Fitness instructors and classmates would accept me. In the past, most sports programs rejected me.
My first day in Deep End Fitness
It’s 8 am, my first class in Deep End Fitness, and I haven’t approached the instructors for help.
I glance around as we circle up. Everyone is able-bodied, everyone looks bigger, everyone is faster, and everyone seems physically stronger than me. I’m the only disabled person in class, I’m spiraling into fearful anxiety of not being good enough. My silent emotional storm awaits as I jump into the deep end of their pool, but I still jump and class begins.
During class I am having intense trouble getting underwater due to my buoyancy. I couldn’t execute a lot of exercises such as underwater farmer walks, due to lack of balance.
My body is fried from getting in and out of the pool and I felt like I was slowing down the class. Yet, I still haven’t asked for help.
After class, I was so sore in places where I didn’t know muscles existed. A simple email or text to my instructors asking for help could’ve made things easier, but I feared the negative labels that may follow.

I Keep Swimming
For weeks I’ve been getting lapped by these dolphins otherwise known as my classmates. As the only swimmer with a physical disability in class I truly believe I am on the verge of being kicked out of the program because I’m too slow and I can’t execute movements like my peers. Often, the harder I swim, the slower I go. It is infuriating how much I fight myself. Doubts are leak into my mind, like an incessant drip-drip of a water tap like,
“Am I getting better? I feel like I’m just treading water. I suck, grab my shit and go home.”
I need to take the leap and ask for help.
Stewing in my anxiety I swallow my fear, my pride and finally ask for help from my instructors. Their reaction was like asking your crush on a date and getting a yes. Pure relief.
What happened next?
They take me under their wing and diagnose that I’m naturally buoyant like a balloon in the water. This means swimming underwater is tough, I must use less oxygen for less buoyancy to stay underwater until I can adapt.
We establish goals to build oxygen deprivation tolerance, also known as controlled drowning with supervision. We started with specific underwater distances in the pool, swimming a third of the pool, then half, and so on. Every goal comes with my chest feeling like a balloon about to burst from carbon dioxide build up in my lungs. My cerebral palsy interferes with my goal every chance it gets, involuntarily curling my fingers, so I can’t pull as much water. My legs tighten causing my ankles to clip each other during my kick stalling my momentum. To negate the ankle clip, my classmates and instructors suggest using swim fins to propel myself through the water. The finger curl is uncontrollable. I just have to deal with it from CP as I adapt my training.
I feel stronger stroke by stroke.
One month later, I achieved the underwater swim–25 meters underwater in one breath. I finally asked for help, and people invested in my goals and success.
Five months after my first jump into the Deep End Fitness pool, I am at the 2024 ISA World Para Surfing. I have improved as a waterman and surfer. The results are obvious as I go further into the championships than the previous year.
Find your helpers

How many of us feel like we’re treading water, stuck and going nowhere? Maybe it’s time to find the helpers in your life? As Mr. Rogers said, find the helpers. But, here is my disclaimer: I understand not all coaches are cool and open-minded, like mine. Try your best to find uplifting helpers that align with your mission.
AND, listen you silly humans, let my story inform or remind you that asking for help isn’t a bad thing. Take the jump and ask for help.